Pajama Jeans

"Pajamas you live in.  Jeans you sleep in."  

Forever Lazy

"Zippered back hatch" so you don't even have to take it off to wipe your lazy ass.  

Raspberry M&M's

This is apparently what happens when a blue M&M eats a raspberry.  They really thought this one out.

Diet Coke & Holiday Coke

On the left, regular Coke.  On the right, Diet Coke.

In the unemployment office, the genius who decided that for the holidays the regular Coke cans should look nearly identical to the silver Diet Coke cans.  Causing millions of people to accidentally ingest calories is no joke, Coke.

Dunkin Donuts Strawberry Shortcake Coffee

Stop staring at me with those strawberry and cream eyes and cake nose... asking me if I love you...  You are a creepy flower on a package and I will resist you!

Kellogg's Krave Cereal

I'm pretty sure I could eat a whole box of this if it was the right time of the month.

It should come with a box of pads and the movie "Beaches".

Deviled Egg Kit

Name one thing that should NEVER be found in a kit?  Deviled eggs.

Larry the Cable Guy Beer Bread and Fish Batter

Can I make the beer bread with microbrew?

Del Monte Healthy Kids Chunks

Healthy!  Enriched!  Vitamins!  Syrup!  Yay!

Jell-O Mixchief

Jell-O... I know the last few decades have been rough.  

In the 60s you were cool.  People took you to parties.  You were the center of attention with little bits of fruit cocktail floating in you.  It was a great time. And now, you're just not hip anymore.  Kids have moved on.  So, you hooked up with a strange unicorn Spongebob guy and he told you some lies.  And you think that by experimenting with juice and soda... or color changing... the kids will come back.  Well, they won't.  Yeah, I know you jiggle.  But nowadays every tramp on the corner jiggles.  It just isn't special.  I'm sorry Jell-O.  Go back to water and be what you were meant to be...  the only colorful thing on the cafeteria salad bar.

Columbina Crakenas

I'll have what she's having...

Quaker Stila

I'm "Stila" bit confused about why the box is shaped so that it doesn't fit next to any other boxes.

Heinz Hot & Spicy Ketchup

Most people I know like ketchup with Tabasco... but mixing it together just seems wrong.

Plumber Truck

My favorite thing about this is how the driver's fat belly matches up exactly with the decal.  Classy.

Purina Frosty Paws

Yes, this is dog ice cream.  Because if you love your dog you won't give them the crap you eat.

Goldfish Baked Graham Snacks

"No Artificial Preservatives" because the artificial flavors act as a natural preservative.  Yay!

Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreo

Original name was artery burst, but no one went for it.

Wheat Thins Stix

One of these is "natural flavor with other natural flavor" and the other one is "naturally flavored".  

So, my question is... what do you have to do to cinnamon to get it to kick you?

Barbie: Hair-tastic!

Obviously the idiot who came up with this has never been a child or had a child.
Scissors and Barbies go together like snow and pee.  Inevitable and ugly.

Fruity Pebbles Treats

Only 90 calories per bar!  Only 90 ingredients you can't pronounce!

Ronald Reagan Art

This is available at my local mall.

Dagoba Organic Chocolate

You can drop the "H" from Dagobah, but we all know playing with our subconscious you are.