Ralph's Store Closing or When Zombies Attacked LA

I almost got whiplash when I saw this sign today.  I wasn't the only one because when I got inside I found out that everything was actually 75% off and nearly empty.  Too bad I wasn't searching for a location to film a zombie movie because this would have been perfect.  Check out the cool photos of what your grocery store looks like with nothing on the shelves.

The only food items I could find were a can of Spotted Dick and a tube of Mechanically Separated Turkey.  They did have a lot of wine left and I managed to save $219.36  Yay!

Brookstone Australian Beer Glass Set

Because in Australia they drink beer upside down from the bottom of the bottle.

The Mountain T-Shirt

This shirt is so deep.  The cat and the flowers are both in vases... and the cat is smelling the flowers.  And the vases are kind of hovering in space.  And the cat is so fluffy.  It is seriously freaking me out, dude.

The Drunk Diet

I don't know who this guy is or how the diet works.  I'm just going to do my own version.  Bottoms up!

Jet-Puffed Mallow Bits

You know how we used to pour the whole box of cereal into a bowl, eat the marshmallows and put the cereal back in the box because our moms were at work and we were home alone...  and then we'd cry and hug the cat for an hour.  I have seriously waited forty years for this product.

Ruffles LOADED Chili & Cheese Flavored

Sometimes jokes go too far and people get hurt.

The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat

This guy has long hair, a beard, and a super tall bike.  

I have two hands and I can push really hard.  Win!

Cell phone tree towers

In Los Angeles, cell phone towers are built to look like trees.

This one is supposed to be a palm tree, but it looks more like a pineapple.

Twilight Breaking Dawn Barbies (sold separately)

They really should be selling these in the cat aisle.

Green Lantern The Final Showdown Hal Jordan vs. Parallax

Or "The thing that's going to make your kid wake up screaming and pee in the bed tonight"

Barbie Puppy Water Park

"Barbie really squirts water" with water splashing from her vajayjay.

I can't make this stuff up.

Farrah Fawcett Barbie

The masturbation fixation of thousands of American teens... by Mattel 

Elvis Barbie

I'm all shook up.  And not in a good way.

Shoe Obsession Barbie

Wrapping yourself in a fishing net full of old shoes is more like garbage obsession.

I think I saw this outfit on an episode of Hoarders.

Randy's Donuts

This place exists because sometimes you have to remind your arteries who's boss.

Barbie: Spin to Clean!

Now you can quit bitching about how unrealistic Barbie is.  Finally they have her doing what I do all day, every day.  Laundry.  Welcome to my world, sweetie.

Jersey Shore & Modern Family Games

One to keep and one to give... (fist pump)

Justin Beiber Singing Toothbrush

I know his music makes my teeth hurt.  Maybe this will help.

Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum

Sometimes you can still find some awesome hand painted sign art.  Love it.

The fine art of naming CEREAL

When naming cereal you can either call it exactly what it is, try to get creative, or just name it the sound you make when you get a pube stuck in your throat.  Apparently it just doesn't matter.

Pajama Jeans

"Pajamas you live in.  Jeans you sleep in."  

Forever Lazy

"Zippered back hatch" so you don't even have to take it off to wipe your lazy ass.  

Raspberry M&M's

This is apparently what happens when a blue M&M eats a raspberry.  They really thought this one out.

Diet Coke & Holiday Coke

On the left, regular Coke.  On the right, Diet Coke.

In the unemployment office, the genius who decided that for the holidays the regular Coke cans should look nearly identical to the silver Diet Coke cans.  Causing millions of people to accidentally ingest calories is no joke, Coke.

Dunkin Donuts Strawberry Shortcake Coffee

Stop staring at me with those strawberry and cream eyes and cake nose... asking me if I love you...  You are a creepy flower on a package and I will resist you!

Kellogg's Krave Cereal

I'm pretty sure I could eat a whole box of this if it was the right time of the month.

It should come with a box of pads and the movie "Beaches".

Deviled Egg Kit

Name one thing that should NEVER be found in a kit?  Deviled eggs.

Larry the Cable Guy Beer Bread and Fish Batter

Can I make the beer bread with microbrew?